To Find Out or Not to Find Out, That is Not the Question

boy or girlPhoto courtesy of The Krazy LIfe

This conversation probably sounds pretty common for expecting mothers weather it’s your first child or second, am I right!?

People: “You’re pregnant, congratulations!….”

Me: “Thank you! We are excited and Luke’s ready to be a big brother!

People: “When are you due?”

Me: “The end of October. Fingers crossed it’s not a Halloween baby!”

People: “Do you know what you are having?”

Me: “Not yet, we are actually going to try and not find out for this one.”

People: “{Insert a variety of unexpected and surprisingly strong reactions}!”

We found out that we were having a boy with Luke and already had his name picked out before we went to our 20 week ultrasound appointment. We (ok, let’s be real, it’s mostly just me) decided to not find out the gender of the second one for a variety of reasons before we even got pregnant. Once we found out we were expecting our second child, I still felt good about that decision. As I have progressed through my pregnancy, my decision has not wavered, in fact, it’s only gotten stronger! There are pros and cons to finding out what the gender of the baby is, and yes there are times where I think it might be nice to know if Luke is going to share his room with a baby brother or sister, but I’m totally confident I can manage the next 19 weeks without knowing. I view it as extra motivation in the delivery room!

Since we’ve been talking to people openly about the pregnancy, I’ve noticed some pretty interesting reactions to us not finding out the gender. Some people put themselves in our shoes and just reiterate how they CANNOT imagine not knowing. Some people seem a little bent out of shape. I can’t quite pinpoint where that reaction comes from but it’s kinda funny! Some people are just confused, like it’s a requirement to find out or something. Some people can’t get over what we are going to do about clothes and the bedroom(s). Some people say, ” good for you”, or “I didn’t find out and loved it”! Maybe I am so shocked by these reactions because I assumed not finding out the gender was more common than it really is? Or, maybe it’s just me? Myabe my compulsive, type A, organized and prepared personality doesn’t fit with not knowing the gender?

Like I said, there are pros and cons to both scenario’s, but for now, I am staying strong. Tomorrow is our big ultrasound appointment and I am ready to march in there, full bladder and all, and politely ask the technician to please turn the screen when they come across “parts” because I don’t want to know! Tell me, did you find out with your pregnancies? How was it knowing or not? Are you pregnant and finding out or not?

8 thoughts on “To Find Out or Not to Find Out, That is Not the Question

  1. I am on the, “Good for you, but you are nuts” side of it! Ha. I wish I had the will power, but I did not. I paid for the ultrasound privately and found out early with both of my kids. My reasoning was I am a planner (and I say it was because I don’t really care for green and yellow, however Jayci’s room is green anyway!) and I did not want to get attached to an idea of one or the other. I was convinced that after 40 weeks, I would start to want one or the other and I didn’t want to be disappointed. I didn’t give myself the opportunity. I was still on cloud 9 that I was pregnant when I found out both genders (15 weeks with Jayci 14 weeks with Landon). Good for you…and good luck!

    1. That’s funny Bobbie that you ended up with a green room for Jayci anyway! So far, I actually have been able to keep pretty un-attached to a gender and don’t have a feeling one way or another but with Luke I felt he was a boy before we knew. At least people can place some bets! =0)

  2. Lynda sent me your post and I enjoyed your comments. I never found out the sex of our two boys and the third one about to arrive in the next week. It was the most exciting experience in the delivery room anticipating the arrival and finding out what we were having. Even now I am so anxious to meet this little one and found out if we are having a third boy or a new little girl. As for being prepared, generally the baby is in your room the first few months anyhow and there is no need to decorate right away. We kept all our baby items gender neutral so it would not matter what we had. Second, all you need are a few gender neutral sleepers at first and then once the baby is born you can get what you need. The majority of all the responses I have received over the years have been so positive. It’s one of the few surprises you will receive in life, so enjoy the moment. Im happy for your family.

    1. Thank you Josilyn, I didn’t realize you were that close to your next one being due! Sooo soo exciting for you and I am glad you get to find out for a 3rd time at the end. Can’t wait to hear the news, good luck! I love hearing about how exciting it is in the deliver room because it’s hard enough so a surprise like that is well worth it in the end I am sure. DO you have a feeling of what it might be?

  3. I am so excited for you both! I am right there with Josilyn- We didn’t find out for either of our two and it is the best surprise we will ever have! I got to enjoy and feel every bit of my pregnancies without the pressure of “planning” all the things you really can’t and maybe even shouldn’t plan for.
    We got very confused and almost offended responses when people heard we weren’t finding out the sex. We were surprised by this too but it didn’t sway us one bit. After awhile all those responses became amusing to us really.
    We have seriously talked about having another and wondered if we should find out this time, just to experience that side, but in the end I doubt we will :).
    Enjoy your pregnancy!

    1. Thanks Courtney! It is totally amusing when people drill you about what you are going to do to be prepared but to each their own, right!? =) We had a great experience knowing Luke was a boy and I definitely felt the pre-birth boding a little more than where I am at right now, but it’s just a short time left so it’s all good.

  4. I feel like with my first pregnancy I HAD to know because there are so many other unknowns the first time! maybe I’ll change my mind int he future, who knows!

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